LOTR Drabbles
by J'AdOrE LeS PhOquES
Summary: Imagine main LOTR characters sharing one condominium building. There's... I dunno, 30 or so drabbles here. They're random, jolly, and require little attention span.
1. Hinga Dinga Durgen

LOTR Drabbles  
  
A/N Drabble: A short story of exactly 100 words.  
LOTR: Lord of the Rings.  
Nringa Bleh: The authoress of LOTR Drabbles.  
  
Note: These are all based off the soon-to-be-reposted LOTR Condominium, a happy tale.  
  
**Drabble 1: Hinga  
**  
Pippin and Diamond were eating breakfast with Sam and Rose when Gamling came in.  
  
"Oh man!" whispered Pippin to Sam. "Why is HE here? He's SO ANNOYING!!!"  
  
"I don't know!" Sam whispered back. "But I should start locking the door!"  
  
Hama soon followed. Both were dressed in tap dancing suits and had those barbershop quartet hats on.  
  
"Valar help us," said Diamond.  
  
"We're starting a barbershop quartet," said Hama. "Wanna join?"  
  
Pippin appeared to care. "I'll pass," he said.  
  
"Lemme think about it," said Sam. Without flinching, he said, "Erm, no."  
  
"Fine," said Gamling and Hama, who left the room.  
  
**Drabble 2: Dinga**  
  
As that was going on, Gandalf was playing chess with Radagast the Brown.  
  
"Touchdown!" said Radagast. Gandalf snickered.  
  
"What's so funny?" asked Radagast.  
  
"Oh, nothing," replied Gandalf, who, playing on Radagast and his naïveté, convinced him that "Check" in chess talk is said "Touchdown," and that "Checkmate" in chess talk is "Ilve OO." When Radagast would say it, it'd be "I love you."  
  
The two continued playing, sharing random conversation about gnomes and rice pudding. Gandalf told Radagast a joke about G.W. Bush, Mr. Bojangles and a female chicken.  
  
Frodo came in.  
  
"Ilve OO," said the drunken Radagast.  
  
Frodo left.  
  
**Drabble 3: Durgen**  
  
Eowyn and Arwen were having a sleepover party when someone knocked at the door.  
  
"Maybe it's Mike Myers," said Eowyn jokingly. Arwen, being the good actress that she is, gave a fake smile, and removed it to a face of disgust when she answered the door.  
  
She soon snapped it shut. She screamed.  
  
"EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" she bellowed. Eowyn felt her hair pulling at her head from the force of the wind.  
  
"Who is it?" Eowyn asked.  
  
"Some ugly guy! Looks like he hasn't showered in weeks!" Arwen called back.  
  
Eowyn opened the door.  
  
"Hey Arwen! It's just Aragorn!" Eowyn called back. 


	2. Bippity Boppity Boo

LOTR Drabbles  
  
**Drabble 4: Bippity  
**  
Goldberry was baking a surprise pie for Tom when someone suddenly rang the doorbell. Goldberry chose not to answer it, and would turn on her "Head Bangin' Eighties" CD when they left.  
  
However, the ringing would not cease. Sometimes the doorbell would ring in rhythm to popular songs, like "Mary Had a Little Lamb" or "Hey Ya."  
  
She decided to look through her peephole to see who it was. If it was some hoodlum (damn that Merry!) then she'd punch him. Looking through the peephole, they were too short to see.  
  
Goldberry then realized she did not own any doorbells.  
  
**Drabble 5: Boppity**  
  
Legolas read the last chapter of his autobiography, "Sex on the Beach Every Day." He laughed at memories that the book brought back. Ah yes, Arwen made the wrong choice...  
  
Oh well. Legolas decided to pick another romance book and would match up with some elf on the internet later.  
  
One book had an interesting title: "Too Many Women to Count." Legolas skimmed one of the pages, liked it, and read on.  
  
The stories were so lusty that Legolas himself was impressed. He wondered what the book was doing on his shelf.  
  
Shocked, he first noticed the author: Gandalf.  
  
**Drabble 6: Boo**  
  
"What should I dress up as for Halloween?" Faramir asked his brother, Boromir.  
  
"You're scary enough. Save a couple bucks and work on that face!!!" said Boromir in joking response.  
  
"Maybe I should go as Dad," said Faramir, ignoring his brother's answer. "Or you. But I don't want to scare the children."  
  
"HOW DID YOU KNOW? I WAS ONLY 25 BACK THEN, OK?! IT'S NOT LIKE THE KID DIDN'T DESERVE IT!!"  
  
Faramir stared at his brother. "What the hell are you talking about? Better yet, what are you smoking? Sounds fun."  
  
Boromir growled at his brother. "Close one," he mumbled. 


	3. Eenie Meenie Minie Moe

LOTR Drabbles  
  
**Drabble 7: Eenie**  
  
"I got you a birthday present!" said Celebrian to Eomer. "But I have to blindfold you for it. It's so ..."  
  
Thinking he already knew what the present was, Eomer suggested, "Lovable?"  
  
Celebrian snickered as she blindfolded him. "You betcha!" she said. "Let me... go get it."  
  
Eomer smiled. "I'm getting' some tonight, I'm getting' some tonight," he sung to himself softly.  
  
"Try and guess what it is," Celebrian said.  
  
Eomer smiled again and help his arms out. "Give it to me!" he said.  
  
Eomer immediately grabbed it and kissed it tenderly.  
  
"EOMER YOU PERV!" Celebrian screamed. "That's a DOG!"  
  
**Drabble 8: Meenie**  
  
"What IS a tampon?" Denethor asked Théoden.  
  
"It's a type of Saran wrap," Théoden said, trying to keep a straight face.  
  
"Well, see, here's the thing – Eowyn asked me if I used it sometimes. I said no, and she said, 'I think you do.' I guess I should go call her up and correct myself," said Denethor.  
  
"Yes, do that," said Théoden.  
  
Denethor dialed up Eowyn's house. "Hey, Eowyn?" Denethor said.  
  
Theoden could hear her confused voice, muffled, over the phone.  
  
"Sorry – I made a mistake. I actually DO use tampons. I put it over my sandwiches."  
  
Theoden fell, laughing.  
  
**Drabble 9: Minie**  
  
Gimli sat there, eating chips, when he turned on the television to "The OC." Legolas said he watched that show sometimes, and knowing Legolas, Gimli didn't doubt it. They had planned to watch it together today.  
  
"Crap!" Gimli said to himself. "Leggy was going to bring the ice cream, too."  
  
It turned on. The intriguing plots and love triangles fascinated Gimli. He felt tears come on when romantic longings were revealed. Gimli himself had a longing for Legolas – one that could not be revealed.  
  
"Why do you torture me so, Legolas?!" he cried.  
  
"Dude," said Legolas, "I was just peeing."  
  
**Drabble 10: Moe**  
  
Celebrian talked to Celeborn and Elrond about Galadriel's present.  
  
"What should I get her for Mother's Day?" asked Celebrian.  
  
Elrond coughed. Celeborn raised an eyebrow at his daughter.  
  
"What?" he asked.  
  
"You know! It's in, like, a day! What did you get her?"  
  
Elrond and Celeborn exchanged worried looks. They had been presented with this problem before. Celeborn always forgot – sometimes with birthdays, sometimes with Christmas – but never so last minute.  
  
"I was thinking about buying her a ring, but then I excluded that idea," said Celebrian, smiling. "Aren't I smart?"  
  
"Celebrian, darling," Elrond said kindly, "Tomorrow isn't Mother's Day." 


	4. I Am So Bored

LOTR Drabbles

**Drabble 11: I**

Gandalf was showing Narya to Sam and Rosie as they all had a nice, quiet dinner at the Gamgee household. Rose asked if she could temporarily wear it, and Gandalf kindly said she could.

"It's purty!" said Rose. "It's _literally_ ring around the rosy!"

Sam gave a chuckle. "You realize that song was about people dying of a plague, right?"

Rosie gave a sort of hopeful look to Gandalf, and he gave a "He's right" kind of look right back to her.

"Has this ring been washed?" Rosie asked.

Gandalf shook his head. Rosie quickly removed the ring and frowned.

**Drabble 12: Am**

Meanwhile, Elrond was showing his two-timing reincarnated wife Celebrian his ring, Vilya.

"It's better than your mom's," Elrond said. Then, trying to make up for it, he falsely said, "Sorry! The ring made me do it."

Celebrian saw through his plot to still be sincere and kind to his wife at the same time. Luckily, she saw a way through it.

Celebrian looked through the blue pebble on the gold ring. She added, "It's so shiny!"

Elrond gave a proud look. "I varnish it daily. It's my pride and joy."

Celebrian smiled. "I was talking about your forehead. You're balding."

**Drabble 13: So**

Galadriel, with Nenya displayed on her ring finger on her right hand, was munching on a piece of pork loin earlier, and later, for dessert, a sandwich filled with Nutella™, a hazelnut, chocolaty spread often put on croissants and other assorted buns in Europe. Celeborn utterly despised it.

"You know, you are what you eat," said Celeborn.

Galadriel laughed. "So does that mean that I'm a sweet, very white and tasty treat?"

"Actually, that means you're a fat pig with PINKISH skin," Celeborn said.

"I didn't know you ate obsessive compulsive douche bags," Galadriel said. "Is that in frozen foods?"

**Drabble 14: Bored**

Aragorn sighed to himself, obviously depressed.

"All right, I'll bite," Arwen said. "What's wrong?"

"I'm depressed," Aragorn said.

"Yes, I can see that," said Arwen. "Why?"

"I wanna be an elf!" Aragorn said, and frowned babyish.

"Why?" Arwen said again, amused. "I mean, you're a king. You're powerful, rich, sexy, and your wife is beautiful."

Aragorn, although sad, stifled a laugh. He went back to his sad mode. "Um, I realize this," he said, and looked at his wife. Once again, he stifled a laugh.

"Well, what is it then?" Arwen asked, more amused.

"Elves have point ears," Aragorn said.


	5. The Twelve Days Of Christmas

LOTR Drabbles

**Drabble 15: The **

Eowyn was walking outside, looking at her shoes. They were worn down flip-flops, but she really liked them.

Eowyn returned home. When Faramir asked what she wanted for Christmas, she said, "I want new thongs. Mine are really worn down, and I can never clean them."

Faramir, who had been drinking water, spat it all out. "Gee, I didn't know that you wore thongs."

"All the time!" Eoywn said. "I never wear them inside, though. Sometimes I'll just wear them and take them off in front of people."

Faramir smiled. "Care to demonstrate?" he asked.

Eowyn did. Faramir was disappointed.

**Drabble 16: Twelve **

Elrond was, again, looking at his pretty ring – but this time, trying to read Galadriel's thoughts with it. Sometimes, he would re-act what he saw in her thoughts to freak her out.

He saw rakes – rakes galore. So, he brought five rakes to Galadriel's condo, played ding-dong-ditch and waited for her response.

She opened the door. She seemed indifferent to the rakes, and she slowly shut the door

Elrond came to her, angry. "You were thinking about rakes!" he cried.

"No, I was thinking about _cakes_," Galadriel said.

An awkward pause later, Elrond got a door slammed in his face.

**Drabble 17: Days **

Pippin decided to do a little housework that day. After 5 minutes with a drill, he ended up calling Aragorn.

"Um, Aragorn?" he said on the phone. "Could you come over?"

"Sure," said Aragorn, who never got any sleep.

He arrived at Pippin's house and looked around for Pippin. "Whatcha need?" he asked.

"I'm kind of... bored," Pippin said.

Aragorn was pissed. He woke up to entertain Pippin? What the crap was that?

"Go see your musical," Aragorn said. Suddenly, he saw Pippin. Pippin had blood on his fingers.

"Geez, are you ok?" Aragorn asked.

"I got _bored_," Pippin said.

**Drabble 18: Of**

"Boo," Gimli said to Legolas.

"Scared me," said Legolas.

Gandalf was over, and he was BORED. So, in an effort to be included, he said, "What's up?"

Gimli and Legolas just stared at the old guy trying to be cool.

"Right," said Gandalf. As the two went back and forth saying "boo" and "scared me", Gandalf wanted to join in.

"Boo," he said.

This time, both said, "Scared me."

"Boo," Gandalf said again.

"Scared us," Legolas said.

There was a pause. "Scared me," Legolas said again.

"I didn't say boo," Gandalf said.

"I was talking about you face," Legolas said.

**Drabble 19: Christmas **

"Like, how are you?" said Arwen to Goldberry. Arwen was trying to find a woman in the condominium who was as interested in make-up as her.

"Um, I'm doing great," said Goldberry, who indeed was not, because she hated Arwen with a passion. For some reason, she didn't like her... but she had a plan.

"What did you need?" she asked Arwen.

"Purple lipgloss," Arwen asked.

"Ok," Goldberry said, and got a container of strawberry jelly.

Arwen ended up using it. "This tastes great! What medium is this? Is this, like, whale blubber?"

"It's blood," Goldberry said.

Arwen left Goldberry.


	6. Happy New Year

LOTR Drabbles

**Drabble 20: Happy**

Sam was bored, so he called up Faramir, "Da Fun Masta," to give him some sort of idea of what to do.

"See how much fruit you can stuff in your pants," he suggested.

At that moment, Sam investigated his fruit supply. It was quite plentiful, so he thanked Faramir and proceeded, starting with the bananas.

Meanwhile, Faramir gave Rose Cotton, who was visiting Estella, a ring. "Sam needs you right now," he said.

"How come he couldn't-?"

"NO TIME!" Faramir said. "JUST GO!!!!!!"

Rose ran home and looked at Sam's awkwardly bulging pants.

"Happy to see me?" Rose asked.

**Drabble 21: New **

"Check out this new ring!" cried Celebrian, while Eowyn was over. She flashed it to Eomer.

"Shiny," he said, shielding himself from the light.

"It's made of 2 carat diamonds," she said, flashing it more into Eomer's eyes. He began to get dizzy…

"Can you stop flashing that in my eyes, please?" he asked, but Celebrian didn't hear.

"My daddy got it for me," she continued, and then slowly added, "Aren't you jealous?"

Suddenly, Eomer was not himself. "Yes," he said, in a trance. "Maybe I should get you something better."

As he left, Celebrian said, "It's not really diamond."

**Drabble 22: Year **

Gandalf was listening to Madonna's CD "Music" when Elrond came in.

"Whatcha listenin' too?" Elrond asked.

"Madonna," Gandalf replied, while dancing Madonna-style.

"Ah. I see. Didn't she, like, die?" Elrond replied.

Suddenly, Gandalf looked like he she – er, excuse me, he – was about to cry.

"She d-d-d-died?" Gandalf asked, whimpering.

"Mmhmm, 'fraid so," Elrond said. "Old age. Quit a blow to Guy Ritchie. Apparently, he was still in love with her."

"MY IDENTITY! I'VE BEEN DISCOVERED!" Gandalf cried, and ran out the door.

"Ummm…" Elrond said, pondering. Suddenly, Gandalf came back in.

"Were you serious?" Gandalf asked.

"No," Elrond said.


	7. Pick a little, talk a little!

LOTR Drabbles

**Drabble 23: Pick **

Sam was scratching his nose when Frodo walked in.

"Oh, sorry to interrupt you picking you noseon_ Thanksgiving_, but we got a turkey in the oven and –" Frodo started, but was interrupted.

"What – what do you mean, picking my nose?" Sam said. "I was scratching it."

"Sure," Frodo said. He switched the subject. "Do you know what temperature-"

"No, really!" Sam said. "I was just scratching my nose. Doesn't YOUR FRICKIN' NOSE EVER ITCH? HUH? HUH!"

After an awkward silence, Frodo said, "Yes, it does. Sorry about that."

There was a pause.

"But I don't pick my nose."

**Drabble 24: A **

Arwen was never a cook, so she decided to let under-rested Aragorn take care of Thanksgiving meals.

"Honey, can you get me some poultry seasoning?" Aragorn asked of his wife, who was enthralled in her bonbons and latest edition of People.

"Oh, I'm a little busy honey," she said. "Can you get it?"

"Why do I even ask?" Aragorn muttered under his breath. "PLEASE?" he desperately yelled, and Arwen waddled over to the cabinet. She took out a container of brown power and set it down.

"This is curry," said Aragorn.

"Not all of us can read," said Arwen. "Sorry."

**Drabble 25: Little**

Legolas decided to skip Thanksgiving tradition of having turkey and made a "Vegan" meal. His Elven friends Glorfindel and Celeborn came over, expecting a nice Vegan feast, when to their dismay they saw chicken, roast beef and pudding.

"What is this?" Glorfindel asked.

"Um, well, this is pudding, this is mashed potatoes, and –"

"No, idiot. You told us this as gonna be Vegan food!" Celeborn said.

"It's not?" said a confused Legolas. "Oh well! Let's eat! You guys aren't Vegan, right?"

"Only when we sprinkled a little Epsom salt over every meat product at the store," said Celeborn, snickering.

**Drabble 26: Talk **

After an hour of bathroom breaks, Galadriel decided have pumpkin pie. Sadly, she found she didn't have any pie - so she went to Faramir's to see if he had any.

Galadriel walked into Faramir's condo to find white powder traces everywhere. "Faramir, what's his white stuff?" she asked.

Wiping his nose, Faramir said, "Uh – LSD! I mean, MSG!"

"What's that?" Galadriel asked.

"Um, that's this thing that stimulates the taste buds. Vietnamese use it a lot," Faramir explained.

"Hmm… I'll try some. Got any pumpkin pie?"

"I don't think you'd like it –"

"GIMME SOME!" Galadriel said.

Faramir obliged.

**Drabble 27: A **

Pippin always liked Thanksgiving. He and Merry indulged on a 10-meal day instead of the usual 7 meal day.

But this year was different. This year, they wouldn't have a turkey. They would have pounds and pounds of stuffing. Bowls of it! Breakfast, lunch, dinner, supper, brunch, second breakfast, snacks – they'd have it all day.

However, Estella didn't approve. "You guys are literally stuffing yourselves, you know that right?"

"Yes, this is true," said Merry. "We must be poultry of some sort."

"I wouldn't say you were birds," said Estella, "but more like the equestrian types. You know, jackasses, maybe."

**Drabble 28: Little**

After Legolas's meal – eaten with caution, as Gimli heard that Celeborn put Epsom salt in all the meats at the Wal-Mart Super center – Gimli decided on what else? Pie.

Gimli was torn between pecan or pumpkin pie, though. They both began with a P, and were both very exquisitely made... This was most definitely a decision for the magic 8 ball.

"Magic 8 ball, pecan pie?" Gimli paraphrased. The ball said, "Reply hazy. Try again."

Gimli tried again. He got the same thing. He decided the magic 8 ball was telling him pick the hazy pie – in Faramir's case, pumpkin.


	8. Random Acts Of Kindness

LOTR Drabbles: Random Acts of Kindness

**Drabble 29: Random **

Denethor had a sudden craving for peanuts. In fact, lately, he'd been having many cravings. In one instance, he had a craving for those little gravel pieces that you put on the bottom of fishbowls.

"I don't understand it!" he said to Théoden, the man with which he entrusted his innermost secrets.

"Hmmm… I think I do," Théoden said. "I think you're pregnant."

Denethor paused. "I suppose it's possible," he said. "I've been bulging a little in the middle… and that would explain the morning sickness…"

In another room, Galadriel envisioned that Denethor did not know how one became pregnant.

**Drabble 30: Acts**

A little while after Galadriel's inadvertent drug use with Faramir, Celeborn decided to make a visit.

"What the hell did you do to my wife?" he said.

Faramir tried to cover up. "What are you talking about? She came in a little while ago and-"

"Don't b.s. me, Faramir! It's quite obvious that Galadriel was on some sort of hallucinogen. She said Arwen was makeup-less and Aragorn was happy."

Faramir turned around and snickered, but he knew her was found out. "Look, man, she wanted LSD, so I gave her some."

Celeborn smiled. "Good! Then you'll have no problem sharing."

**Drabble 31: Of **

Gandalf and Radagast were having a jovial game of cards.

"So…" Gandalf said awkwardly.

"Yeah," Radagast said.

This was pretty much the conversation the two had whenever they hung out.

"Do this again sometime?" Gandalf said, leaving.

"Yeah," Radagast replied. "Maybe we could… bake brownies, or something."

"_Special_ brownies?"

Radagast saw this coming. "Come on. We'll get in trouble!"

"Ok, fine," Gandalf said. "See ya later."

A few seconds had passed, and Radagast opened the door. Gandalf was still there.

"I took your cards," Gandalf said.

There was a pause.

"Let's make the brownies now!" said Gandalf.

"Sure!" said Radagast.

**Drabble 32: Kindness **

Arwen was talking with Eowyn.

"I don't understand! Lately, Aragorn has been really nice to me, and only at night. I think he's hiding something."

Eowyn pondered. "Maybe your apartment with uncover some clues," Eowyn said.

"Yeah!" Arwen said. "Let's go."

While Arwen looked around the bedroom, Eowyn peeked around the medicine cabinet. She found more bottles of meds than she had digits (fingers and toes, people), but she was only interested in one.

"I can't fin anything, Arwen," said Eowyn, but she was lying. Eowyn had found Ambien; all those times Aragorn was nice was while he was sleepwalking.


End file.
